Let’s Make That Thirteen Years of Christmas:

For those of you who did not see the last ten years, or would like an update, 2000 through 2010, see here.

2011: Let the Games Begin

School

Rob begins the greatest memorization festival ever at the US Army Baylor Physical Therapy program, and his personality temporarily suffers for it. His days are filled with lists, charts, graphs and pictures of new things to learn at an accelerated pace. He smiles, tries to act like it is no big deal, and slowly begins to be irritated by every single thing that distracts him. He is generally thought of as “that old, angry dude” by his classmates (average age: 26, Rob’s age: 41), and spends the first half of the year pissed about everything. He loses his dad in July, and returns from the funeral after a stiff drink of perspective, no ice. He is still a bit of a curmudgeon, but back to baseline levels.

Rob loves his new job:

The Girls

Chickens arrive, but the number varies initially due to the uncertainties of animal husbandry (6-1+2-2=5[5 being a stable number of chickens]). The chickens settle in, but darkness soon falls. Shadows from raptors’ wings chill the chickens’ bones, and the near-silent stalking of raccoon’s feet transforms their evening trance into a terrified night watch. Luckily, Chickenman (this name must be said in Christian Bale’s Batman voice) is there to patrol the coop’s mean streets. Not so lucky is the fact that Chickenman’s superhero costume looks just like Rob’s sleep outfit plus house shoes and a bow and arrow. While the neighbors sleep (thank god), Chickenman streaks across the backyard, bow in hand, at the first hint of predator. Actually, let’s just forget this last part and get on with the rest of the year.

Six is not a stable number of chickens:

Petra Goes Native (German), Rob Goes Native (American)

Petra and Rob expect some forced separations due to Army service, but not quite this soon. In October, Rob begins his first clinical rotation at the Northern Navajo Medical Center in New Mexico. He and the dog pack up and drive west, while Petra decides to live in Germany until the New Year begins. She sets up an internet connection, and works from 3:00PM to midnight every day. Prior to work, she spends the day helping her mother out (this, in itself, is a long and complicated story, but to sum it up: The help is needed and appreciated). The two try and talk as often as possible, but between communication difficulties on the reservation and the time difference, Petra and Rob speak to each other far less than they would like for about 2 and a half months. It sucks, but they get through it. They meet again over Christmas, and ring in the New Year among a group of Petra’s seventy something year old relatives, a group that somebody must have slipped some meth earlier in the day, because they told stories and generally raised hell until way late.

2012: Rob Memorizes, Petra Breathes Fire

Settled Back In

Petra’s year can be summed up simply: She spends more and more time lifting heavier and heavier things faster and faster, while continuing to do all the same things she would normally do otherwise. She tries to erase the next sentence, but it is mysteriously reinserted: Female strangers frequently stop her on the street and ask her what she does to get her arms to look so strong (They are not just strong-looking, ladies!) Rob continues memorizing information at, what seems to him, an alarming rate. He gets to forget it after each test, at least, that is, until comprehensive oral examinations in the middle of the year. 

Petra gets all swole up:

Breathing Room

After oral exams (passed!), the two make their way to the Pacific Northwest for a vacation. On day one, they receive a phone call from the guy who is watching the house (He comes highly recommended by a neighbor, but my guess is that the neighbor has set the bar for people she lets into her house fairly low). The scene: A café in Portland. Petra and Rob are sitting with friends around a table outdoors. All four have cappuccinos in hand and little sweet treats in front of them. It is the first moment in about 5 weeks that Rob can take a deep breath after prepping for oral examinations, and this, in turn, allows Petra’s stress to melt away. Ring, ring: Hello? Heeeyyyy, is this Rob? Yes. Hi, I am the guy who is taking care of your house and dog. Yes, hi Don. Just a quick question (His speech comes in a maddeningly slow cadence), did you have two cars? (My speech slows to match his) Yeeeessss. Why are you asking? Uuuuhhhhh, It’s just that I thought you had two cars. We do have two cars, Don, but I am troubled by our difference in tense usage. You keep using the past, did, while I keep using the present, do. Yeah, well…. Stop Don. Where are you right now? In your driveway. What do you see? I’m in front of your house (PLEASE TALK FASTER! MY CAPPUCCINO IS GETTING COLD AND THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!). Don, what sort(s) of car(s) do you see? I see a silver car (whew, the Subaru is still there). LONG PAUSE…… Ok, do you see another car? Welllll, that’s the thing… Don, do you see a small blue car next to the medium-sized silver car that you are looking at now (Use those closed-ended questions when called for)? Uhhhh… Don, please give me a yes or no answer. Well, no, not really. And that is how vacation, which is wonderful, by the way, starts. The car is recovered a few days after vacation ends, and after a bit of fixing up, is as good as new. 

We didn’t need that car in the Pacific Northwest, anyhow:

A month later Rob starts his one-year clinical internship, and Petra learns to enjoy living with somebody who is not studying (or talking about needing to study) constantly.

2013: Ten Years Married, on the Move Again

Rob and Petra celebrate their tenth anniversary in Palm Springs. They have a great time, and have to redo the math over and over, because they still can’t imagine that ten years married, thirteen together in total, have passed. It is one of the year’s highlights.

Happy Anniversary!

Our time in Texas, summed up:

Don’t Mess With Texas!

There is a reason that Texans don’t want you to mess with it. The only two answers they have for any criticism of their state, even if it is completely reasonable, go as follows: 1. Texas didn’t ask for you to be here (clearly a plea for us to stay, but to integrate), or 2. If you don’t like it, you can leave (Yes, we will leave as soon as Rob’s job -you know, knitting the blanket of freedom under which you sleep comfortably and safely each night (Thank you forever, Charles, for spouting out this wonderfully ironic and overblown statement)- no longer requires him to live in Texas. Either way, don’t mess with Texas, because….well, just because. There are four words those of you who love your Texas as it is: Julian and Juan Castro (My bet is on Julian as our first Hispanic President). “Oh the times, they are A-changing…” Maybe we will move back some day (somewhere in the distance a loud cry of “Nein!” cuts through the air). Sorry, lost focus there for a second. Oh, in August, we leave the state of Texas and head east!

North Cackalacky (how the hell do you spell that, anyhow?)

Petra keeps the same job and continues to work from home (shocker!), and Rob (he’ll let you call him Doctor Rob, but just this once…) graduates with a Doctor of Physical Therapy degree. They are both briefly elated, then relieved, then they go home to watch the movers finish packing as they load the car for the trip east. 

The pair heads east, and visits Houston, TX, New Orleans, LA, Ft. Walton beach, FL and Savannah, GA along the way. They are all places worthy of a visit, but Petra and Rob are excited to get to North Carolina. They arrive after a week and a half underway, and promptly take up temporary residence in a small apartment behind a horse farm for about a month.  

Note: No chickens were harmed in the filming of this move: Maria, Tiziana, Amelia, Aretha and Tina now live with a pair of friends who raise excellent pastured pigs for a living. They are cage free, organically-fed, and treated in humane manner (unless they are bad, and then the farmers use corporal punishment as appropriate). Also, Booboo is allowed to move with Rob and Petra, despite his many failings (He has two: He won’t chase a ball, and does not understand any command other than “stink,” which he executes even when not told to)

Soπ

Petra coached Crossfit (I don’t know how to do the trademark symbol, so please don’t send Crossfit’s army of corporate image hounds after me, Coach Glassman) in San Antonio, but in Southern Pines, or Sopi, or, if you’re really too cool Soπ she coaches regularly before her workday starts.

Rob gets stationed with the 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Div, where he is the sole physical therapist for about 3000 Airborne soldiers. Despite his frequent grumbling, he is in his element (Wait, is grumbling his element, or is the “real” Army his element. Maybe it is a bit of both).  6 weeks after starting, he takes and passes hi PT license exam, and now has a huge imbalance between letters behind his name (PT, DPT, CSCS) and the number of skills he possesses (He reckons it is a 9/3 ratio). He is now officially knees deep in being an Army Physical Therapist.

Roots, AKA, House #2

The couple buys a house (To our English teacher/English language snob friends: Please stop using the collective plural in the US. You, not the kids and text messaging, are destroying our language), and they are overrun with first world problems: They renovate their kitchen, it takes a couple days longer than planned, and worst of all, they have to figure out where the wine fridge goes. It is really all too much, and they start to envy those people whose only problems in life are where to find food and shelter (If you were even vaguely offended by the last sentence, blame Rob, watch this and then watch this).

They head to Germany for the Christmas season, and celebrate the Holidays with Petra’s family. They eat goose, spaetzle, red cabbage and sing Christmas carols while either Petra or Lothar (yes, like Lothar of the Hill People from Saturday Night Live, but the “th” is hard) plays the recorder. They all discuss how amazing it is that Petra and Lothar (almost) remember how to play the songs on the recorder, even though they practice only once per year on Christmas Eve. Petra and Rob remember how lucky they are –they never forgot, really- to be together, and have a life filled with good friends, family, good health and all the fixin’s.  They are also tremendously happy for the time difference between the states and Germany, as this buys them a few more hours to get this letter out.

They thank you all for being a part of their lives, and have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and may your lives be filed with all you wish for.

The new town:

The new house:

The new yard:

The old dog:

New trick:

Until next year (well, last time you heard that it was three years, and the time before that it was ten, so let’s just say see you in a bit), Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year.